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Defender

by Bird Of Youth

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1.
Right On Red 04:01
last night, i fell 
ask why and i won't tell 
i make no sound
 spilled upon such storied ground
 this pin-striped man 
with his thin light hand
 was asking me to dance 
i took a breath and i took the chance

 a wrong turn, another
 someone's thinking of her 
this night's not for lovers 
it's for slips and others
 good friends, questions 
the singer not the song 
i don't play fair, i just play along 

i see better parts of me 
but you saw them first, take heed
 this leaking pen, this shattered lens 
is a sign you've seen the worst in me 
the better driver, the bigger fool 
you saw more then what the rain washed off, i knew
 what you brought as an afterthought 
means our hands can't bear the weight of a cough

 i saw different 
lines carved in cement 
names on graves and 
barn doors and last stands 
brothers with no others 
to make this life a home
 with furrowed brows they spit and moan 

too tired to sit we heard a call to arms up on the highway strip 
and through the blinds, they could see, but it hurt to look 
i don't run for trains, i'm too ashamed of the faces as the doors shut 
i'm sad and mad and shook 

i see better parts of me 
but you saw them first, take heed
 these 10-cent actions are a sign there's nothing left to see 
the better driver, the bigger fool 
i saw more than what the drinks washed off, i knew
 what you brought as an afterthought
 would stain our hands after the rain had stopped

 you say i sleep 
but not then, oh don't you see 
never tired, a bad liar 
i won't take the wheel this night
 my map, this path 
if you would please cut the lights 
what a great summer night
2.
one day soon while the doe-eyed girls swoon
 at the floor where your feet sit 
i'll throw you a fit
 and i'll start throwing stones
 and say "my, how you've grown, 
i just can't believe it"

 turn my face to the crowd
 and i'll laugh right out loud 
as they spit, yeah, their teeth they just grit
 on the sharp bits of sand
 that i pulled from the pit
 where those cold days lay limp

 you can't live with these bones 
turn them into a home
 rolled off the slim fingers of 
a young girl who will roam
 so you paint the walls red
 and as your face hits the bed
 what will you dream of
what will you dream of
 my first love

 i cannot be this clone you want 
nail-biting debutante, screaming "i want, oh, i want," 
no these words have flown 
oh you should have known 
you fucking savant 

you cannot love these bones 
that cannot be alone 
rolled off the slim feathers of 
this unfeeling dove 
so you love that instead 
and as her wings hit the shed
 what will you dream of?

 you're pulling strings, you're pulling stunts
 your lips are preening in the dungeon where 
you built the ship that sails 
among the tallest tales 
between your teeth and wails
 over the tines and scales 
that bind your feet with nails
 you're stuck in time 
you can't go back, my love... my love...

 and this limp bird can't roam
 as your mouth fills with foam 
rolled off of your slim, tender tongue
 so you swallow the dread and
 it fills you with lead
 and as the ground holds your head
 what will you dream of
 your limbs have bled dry 
and the days won't be kind
 they will be peaceful in time 
when you speak your last line
3.
won't you come back to me
 take me anywhere and let me see 
what it meant and who you are again 
after you let the phone fall from your hand and make no mistake, old friend 
you can cheat me, beat me, i'll pretend
 all the trysts and quips at my expense 
did not cut and grind me
bruise and bind me

 these days have tumbled down
 now they're nicked and scraped, they shout out loud
 and in these early moments, unsuspecting 
i plant my feet but you took my swing away
 there's nothing left to see 
all my friends are fakes and there's no good leads 
it's just the last man standing in the reeds
 unjust rewards, no prisoners freed
 and i remember we were kind 
but you had something else in mind
 i looked back, the screen went black 
and i never saw you cry 

these prying eyes they flexed
 and they heaved and opened up this prize 
as i held it close up to my chest 
i thought, "is this where big girls go to rest
 or rise?" and are we blind or blessed
 sailing words across the great divide
 and the seasons changed with your confession 
i came undone, and you came undressed and on the shore you breathed a sigh
 of hallowed pauses, reasons why 
you made no sound, 
i stand my ground,   that was no kind of goodbye 

we've worked the room for years
 now our guests are tired 
some are moved to tears 
this never was my style
 so let's rest a while 
and then reappear
 with somebody new 

now on my mark get set don't go
 will we ever forget 
those final blows and those dying throes
 and epithets and late-night threats 
if i were to stand and say yes
 demand that we both dispossess
 break me, mend me, great defender
 take me, send me, i surrender
 can we agree, it's time to say goodbye
4.
who will star in this love song
 the night wind grows tired
 who will star in this love song 
with sex, blood and fire

 will you take this small hand
 though it's cold, weak and worn 
do you dare strike this cheek
 with hot tears it's been torn

 who will star in this love song
 a bed long since cold
 who will star in this love song
 with a firm touch to scold

 will you look into these eyes
 though they're bitten and blind 
do you dare brush these lips 
with deep lashes they're lined

 best laid plans rot in tin cans
 so meek and so stale
 with long-faded suntans
 and rusty old pails 
it's yours for the taking
 awake and it's shaking
 lay claim and this time you won't fail

 you will star in this love song 
and prove me a liar 
you will star in this love song 
your kiss hard and dire 

you will hold this fine frame 
with a rule brave and bold
 you will dare lay it down
 and taste each breath he stole

 like stains on a fine dress 
it's time to put down
 cast off this sublime mess 
instead rip this gown 
for once take the long road 
this story's been foretold
 you fell, but just look what you found
 so get down on your knees and 
thank each god you see then 
look up, love, wrap your head around

 you will star in this love song
 my hands at your feet
 you will star in this love song 
the crowd takes their seats

 you will take what was lost 
and with faith in due time 
you will beat a new life
 in this tired heart of mine
5.
bend to thrill
 this wasted, tortured will
 guards stand down 
she will shoot to kill

 talk out loud
 when the troops, they rally round 
love, hold on
 you're hurt but you've done no wrong 
and when they sound the horns 
you know i'm so damn proud

 these nights lend a sympathetic ear
 some moments walk too soft to hear 
the cold floor lends a warm embrace 
bombs away 
she is here to stay

 stop, don't run
 though your face is hung
 on your knees
 no shame
s peak your pleas
 and you can shine your medals
 when the morning comes

 we all know you didn't come to die 
don't play to win, just say you'll try
 temptation leaves a sour taste 
bring the fight
 she will move to strike 

i'm calling out loud now, you answer with goodbye 
your throat is so closed and it's silent and frozen 
just open up wide, in the crosshairs, don't hide, hands up high 
take four steps, fall two back, learn to cry 

the lions cracked the cage, paw over paw, they're eyeing low 
the hawks can sense your rage, they know you're raw, they're circling slow

 sound the call
 she won't hit the wall
6.
Stop Staring 04:33
you only walk straight when it's dark outside
 pretend you gotta catch your ride
 on top of you, it's just like jumping a fence 
it hurts like hell, this dancing 

but if i climb down there's nothing to sell
 between the evening and all the church bells
 hey man, at least you did it all by yourself
 you hang and you bang and you still got your health 

your boy calls, says he needs a friendly ear
 but all i want's a beer
 and 20 minutes with your hand down there be hard, be fair, stay near me

 you left an old matchbook on my window sill
 but it was empty and you've had your fill
 i throw it away and i reach for a pill
 you're thumbing right through that old withered show bill

 the last word starts right here, you know 
it's got nowhere to go 
the last song ends, the lights fall low 
but we've got nothing to show 

and i'll just lie here huddled in my lack of afterglow, you stole
 when you peeled your body off mine like a sticker on a new wine glass you got wet
so it'd come off nice and fast 

the names were misspelled but the faces they fell
 you act like a sellout, but it's just as well 
let's take this road show back to the hotel
 turn on a news show let's feel the ground swell

 i take a long, hard heavy sip
 and a drag from your last cigarette
 and it's almost as stale and limp
 as a soft, cold kiss from your lip 

the last word starts right here, you know 
but it's got nowhere to go 
the last song stops, the lights fall low
 but we've got nothing to show
7.
i went out tonight
 and met some people i already knew 
i touched the wall
 and i asked what should i do 
you cave, and kill the lights
 relive all the fights, learn your moves 
then craft some cutting comments for the evening news 

you've run your mouth right down 
into the ground and it shows 
quit your fakin, you're makin sure 
that everybody knows 
that boy don't make a sound 
as you drag his name through the ground 
but your bragging and your baggage, man, it's so damn loud

y eah he could've been a father
 he's every woman's son 
look at all the tricks he taught her 
ain't she pretty, ain't this fun 
you'd best put on your brave face 
cause you're staring down the sun 
those aren't weapons, they're just broken little toys 

tonight.... 

i see comedy in the fact that we're both winning 
hey, you scored, when the seasons changed 
and you stepped out of the ring 
i see fallacy in the fact that we're both shilling 
but what you're selling comes so cheap 

you're lying tangled in the corner 
they've gone and placed their bets 
and all that lies upon the table
 is another cigarette
 you see a last ditch move to strike now 
it just sounds the same
 as all the kids out back with skateboards makin noise

 tonight... 
tonight... 
i'm gonna give this street a whole new name 

someone played a old song
 you were out there playing games 
and the choice of conversation 
it was looking rather plain
 now your bridges are all burning and 
you're dancing in the flames 
and you'd like to think you never had a choice 

tonight... 
tonight... 
tonight... 
we're gonna let you win at your own game
8.
Spearfish 06:44
signs with carved warnings fill the spaces in the hills, surrounding portraits of the past,
 and the excuses i played 
one day i got angry so i wrote them all down and filled a notebook with the pieces of the mess i'd made
 spearfish in the spring, it's just like climbing everything, it's just like rusty silver rings and black gold shaped like blades 
i like liquor too, and i like street names and tattoo flames, i need people,
 i hate pennies, sometimes i can't behave

 she left the old book in new york 
the pages were bent and words didn't work 
and she couldn't argue with that
 then she stripped down to the skin 
just to see what it felt like to say that she'd sinned
 now she's talking in her sleep 
and this blank page goes out to you 

her name was sasha, yeah, or was it now, she's not allowed a language with to share just rooms, cut cold from her mind 
this happened and then that, was it paris, was it painful, was it london, was it laughing, places bound in exile 
walking down the streets, how all the days just turn to drink s
and all the spaces seem to shrink until the morning reclines
 this tiny room, it scares her and it dares her to be lovely 
and to tear herself from living, "ain't it quite like old times?" 

i left the old book in new york
 the words were a blur and the pages were torn
 and i couldn't argue with that
 then i slipped down to berlin 
just to see what it felt like to say that i'd been 
now i'm talking in my sleep 
and this blank page goes out to me 

60 years later, in the sequel it was safer, so she said...

 what did you tell your friends
 did you say you were pretending 
did you think you were so wounded
 your tail clipped, your ego spoon-fed
by the girl you thought you'd broken
 did you say she was a token 
of the lie that got you moping 
feeding lines you wrote with your pen 
did it cross your mind that maybe
 she lied too when she was waking up 
to red wine in a hotel cup
 and messes she could not clean up
 she didn't mean a thing to you
 but hey, she never wanted to 
don't take the credit you're not due 
cause we all knew full well it wasn't true 

and i didn't know her, but i saw the pages where they broke her down
 on paper it played out like stories cut from the vine 
in the plane, these words are falling from mountains, so i grab ahold
 and i never, ever want to get off this ride
 we both spend too much time putting out fires, but if we just let them burn, then maybe, yeah maybe,
 we'd have something to keep 
today i stood propped up on a wooden fence over a country years and volumes in between the places she and i sleep
9.
there's a cynic in the washroom
 dropping hints in the basin
 while the mirror plays a 4-star matinee
 left her minder in the booth outside
 sucking whisky off his child bride
 as some waitress is dropping her tray 

there's a fire in her eyes tonight
 entertaining a redress 
but his hand slaps her pie-eyed reverie
 before snapping all the buttons on her dress 
the barback feigns indifference
 a patron's spilling catcalls
 and she's listening through concrete walls 
for the protests of a single petty witness 

there's a girl out there where a woman should be
 keeping still in filthy company
 of a boy well-dressed but dressed up like a man 
in her porcelain cell, this immaterial girl 
thinks of a soft spring night when she was sure 
'til the bare, bald light brought claws across her skin 

behind closed doors the mistress
 holds her own hand in a vice grip
 just waiting for the next rag doll and sloppy sip
 she tells herself, “i've nothing to confess”
 marys crack like little misses
 night's end isn't gentle kisses 
just mending a tattered dress 
these are not your ordinary stitches 

she smelled of sleep as the sheets were torn
 under this shining man in uniform
 closed her eyes and thought, "he must be asking me to dance"
 how do you tell the child that her lover's a fighter 
or worse, she thinks, as the hostess retires 
tell a lover that she's gonna have to fight

 nine birds dance in the driveway 
she counts them laying sideways 
a metal cot, it touched her face a thousand different ways 
it was then she thought, one golden shot, and this i shall replace
 with visions of a marching band 
the roses will cut up my hand 
and this look resting on my face 
will fall down over this broken promise land

 these fighting words are craving new mouths to feed
 and as this pen is writing my blue face will breathe
10.
one more time 
one more time before you go 
one more time
 one more time and then you'll know 

i recall 
ruby flowers on the wall
 i recall
 gilded frames all down the hall

 you stole the show 
sitting pretty, tall and proud 
in the front row
 as i lingered in a bow

 every trace
 every note and light and page 
lives on your face
 as you move to take the stage 

nights and hours at this table 
pinning seams, you're one hand able
 i climb trees, i know you'll be there watching 

i used to walk
 all across the parking lot 
we used to talk 
of a war that you had fought 

a blue oak frame
 near a window facing east 
a box of games 
much too young to wait and see

 set the brush down on the table 
with this scene, you're one hand able 
i dream high and you were right there watching 

at the desk you proved a fable 
making stitches one hand able 
tell me anything at all i'm waiting

 there were cushions on the chair they sank real low
 when you put them there, i had to go 
dreams of love, you heard, you did
 i didn't think to ask where you once lived

 one more time 
one more time before you go
 one more time 
tell me please how will i know

 when it's time 
if it's time just tell me so
 and when it's time
 say goodbye before you go

credits

released May 24, 2011

beth wawerna: lead vocals, rhythm electric guitar, electric piano
clinton newman: harmony vocals, lead electric guitar, hammond organ
johnny north: bass on 2 and 4
ray ketchem: drums on 2

brian beattie: upright bass on 8
charles bissell: lead electric guitar on 5
scott brackett: cornet
matthew caws: harmony vocals on 3 and 5
tara chase: violin
bryan devendorf: percussion on 1 and 7, additional drums on 2
lauren gurgiolo: banjo
peter hoffman: bass on 5, 6, 10
sonya kolowrat: backing vocals on 10
travis nelsen: drums on 1,3,5,6,7,8,9,10, percussion
a.c. newman: footstomps! 6
phil palazzolo: sampler, bass on 3, additional electric guitar on 2
patrick pestorius: bass on 1,7,8,9
will sheff: additional harmony vocals, acoustic guitar, piano, casio, additional electric guitar
justin sherburn: accordion 

produced by phil palazzolo and will sheff. 
track 2 produced by ray ketchem, phil palazzolo and will sheff. 
all songs ©2011 beth wawerna, beth metal music (ascap)

recorded by phil palazzolo at seaside lounge and the vivarium, brooklyn, ny; charles burst at seaside lounge, brooklyn, ny; ray ketchem at orange road recording, montclair, nj; and will sheff at crystal snifter studios, brooklyn, ny; additional overdubs recorded by tom beaujour at nuthouse recording, hoboken, nj. 

mixed by phil palazzolo at the carriage house, stamford, ct. 

mastered by drew lavyne at ALL Digital Mastering, NYC.

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